Heartened

The whole kit & doodle!

Hello and welcome

I’m working on getting this blog set up. I don’t much care for a lot of the ‘default’ settings in the templates, so I’ll be working on configuring the style sheets to fit the atmosphere I want to create here.

In the meantime, as an opening post, I just want to say that I am surprised at the lack of quality (and regularly updated) sites relating to issues adoptees may face. There are a number of sites who make a good effort, and I will be linking to them in the sidebar in the near future. But what I have noticed is that nearly every site is multi-purpose, addressing issues on behalf of birth parents, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, etc. Ultimately, however, adoption’s greatest impact is on the adopted child. I’m sure a surrendering parent would disagree, as might an adoptive parent, but from where I’m sitting, I can’t help but consider the fact that each of these groups made a choice at some point in the process. The only ones without a choice are the children. We live with the choices made by others for our entire lives.

I’ve read over a few of the discussion forums and blogs for and by adoptees. I’ve noticed a distinct trend of adoptees who are ‘at peace’ with their status being extremely vocal in denigrating those adoptees who have not ‘found peace’ with their status. “It doesn’t bother me, it shouldn’t bother you.” The few other adoptees I’ve known in my life have had similar opinions. Since they do not feel a void in their life, or feel as though they are missing a vital connection, they cannot seem to comprehend how anyone else can feel that way.

Then you have the adoptive parents who feel terribly threatened by the child’s desire to learn more about where they came from. Some of the horror stories I’ve read are enough to curl your toes. I actually read a post from a woman who said, “my kid would be nothing without me. He owes me.”

Owes you for the fact that YOU made a decision in which the child had no say?

I don’t think so.

I’ll admit that one stings a bit. My adoptive father had that attitude.

And that’s what this blog is going to be about. A 35 year journey to define myself. Not based on who gave birth to me, not based on who raised me, but based on who I am going to choose to be for the rest of my life. I feel like I’ve let someone else define me for the first 35 years. I’ll be damned if someone else is going to define me for the next 35.

I’ll be sharing my own experiences as an adoptee. And sharing the process I’m going through of making a decision about contacting my birth family. Somewhere out there, according to the non-identifying information provided by the agency who handled my adoption, I have 5 older brothers and sisters who do not even know I exist. I’m certainly curious about them. Whether that curiosity is enough for me to feel justified inserting myself in their life remains to be seen.

This blog will serve a two-fold purpose. I hope that it will prove to be a source of information and support to other adoptees who may be experiencing their own void. More importantly, I hope it will prove to be a space for me to figure out who it is I am going to choose to be for the rest of my life.

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December 7, 2005 - Posted by | General

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