The whole kit & doodle!

I’m struggling

Struggling to keep my fingers from typing out some very nasty comments.
In the last few days, I've worked hard on creating the links list you'll find to your left. It meant viewing dozens of blogs and websites and actually reading through them – I will not link to a site I am uncomfortable with. It takes a lot to make me uncomfortable, I guess my standards aren't very high. LOL

When you look on the left, you'll see there are blogs from adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, family & friends involved with adoption and eventually (I hope) from foster kids, too. This is probably going to come out wrong, but so be it. I had a really hard time reading through some of the adoptive parent blogs. Let me be clear – I am NOT referring to blogs I've linked to on this site. They would not be there if I thought the authors were idiots! If anything, the ones from adoptive parents I have linked to are well-written, enjoyable, and ones I feel very comfortable recommending.

But there are a bunch that did not make my list.

I'm very sympathetic to birth parents. I admit this freely. I tend to be much less judgmental of birth parents in general. It's not PC to say that, but given the experience I had of adoptive parents (my own) it isn't hard to understand why my sympathies lean in the direction of the birth parents. Of course, not having found my birth parents yet, it is entirely possible I'll think they are cretins too. LOL For now, however, I'm still more "comfortable" with birth parents overall. Obviously there are exceptions – I've met some really great adoptive parents who are helping change my opinion and prejudices and of course there is my brother and sister-in-law who adopted my nephew a few years back!

Anyway, as I was reading over some of the blogs, my blood was boiling. Some of the posts I read made me want to reach through the screen and smack someone – hard. I could not believe the way some of these women (yes, they were all women) were talking about the birth mothers or, worse, about the children – as if they were some sort of designer accessory one would pick up at Bloomies!

I go through this on the forums as well. I really have to bite my tongue sometimes. I'm a Forum Host – I'm expected to conduct myself with dignity and respect. But damn is it hard to do that sometimes.
In truth, I'd like to drag a few of these women over to the great adoptive parents I've met and say, "Here, learn something." I read some of these comments and thought, "There is no way in HELL I would ever let you raise my child." I wonder sometimes if the birth mothers these women are writing about even know that the prospective adoptive parents are blogging about them. I can't imagine they do – I can't imagine they're reading what these women are saying and STILL feeling ok with placing their child in their care. I found myself wishing I could find out who the birth mothers were (I'm talking about instances where the birth mom is still pregnant – preplacement) so I could introduce them to some of the very cool adoptive moms I've met who are still waiting to find a match. I want to scream, "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't give this woman your precious child!!!"

I know I shouldn't judge, and I know I shouldn't judge based on a few quickly written words. I've certainly stuck my foot in it a time or two. But when we're talking about consistently idiotic statements, an overall attitude that deception is appropriate or something similar? I have no problem being judgmental.

Now if I can just keep my fingers still instead of saying some extremely nasty things to them, I'll be quite proud!


February 1, 2006 - Posted by | Adoption Rants


  1. Heart,

    It is a struggle that you have in common with many of us! While I am so pleased to see some of the more enlightened amoms, the others make me want to smack them too. I need to blog on this subject soon too – just to get it out!

    Comment by Cookie | February 1, 2006 | Reply

  2. Oh, darlin’… I am hearing you LOUD and CLEAR on this one…

    In fact, I just wrote a post earlier this week, one I called “Adoptions R Us”… and I made a comment comparing this baby-frenzy adoptive mother attitude to a sale on cashmere at Macy’s. MAKES ME SICK! I let a doozy of a rant fly on this very topic… you were much more sedate in your expression of this than me…

    Also… you mention your relationship with your adoptive parents… is it archived here on this site?? Or is that not something you’ve blogged about… if you have… I’d love to read it. Your brief comment sounded very familiar…

    Comment by Manuela | February 1, 2006 | Reply

  3. aw, shucks. glad to be one of the ok ones…–>

    Comment by afrindiemum | February 2, 2006 | Reply

  4. not bias? ugghhhh

    Comment by cgm | June 20, 2006 | Reply

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