The whole kit & doodle!

“Siblings of Circumstances”

I am reading a book by my friend Bob – it is titled "Not Remembered, Never Forgotten." If you are able to, I highly suggest ordering a copy regardless of where you are on the adoptive plane. Bob expresses something on page 51 which I haven't been able to put into words. It really describes this "connection" I feel with so many of my "blogging buddies."

This material is, of course, copyrighted by the author, Robert Allan Hafetz. In the preceeding paragraphs, Bob is describing the support and connection he has encountered through an adoption support group and the individuals who, from seemingly out of nowhere, appeared to help him in his quest for knowledge about himself and his history.

The sense of commitment I felt from these people who share the same adoption experience was very powerful and comforting. As a result of this, I believe that every adopted child is the "sibling of circumstance" of every other adopted child. We who share the same thoughts and desires, ask the same questions, and search for the same answers to our common spiritual need, have become a family in our own right. "Siblings of circumstance," bound by the emptiness and the desire to end it.

I'll take that one step further and say that I see a very similar connection among the "Blogging Birthmoms" I've encountered. And even say that I feel a very similar almost familial connection with them.

Please do yourself a favor and order a copy of his book. I had gotten half-way through it last night, logged off this morning and sat down to read a few more chapters. I had to log back online so I could send a message to Bob expressing strong feelings about what I'd just read – and then felt I needed to come blog about it right this minute. I feel this need to share the power and beauty I've found in these pages. How ironic that when Bob and I first "met" I basically gave him the cold shoulder – not because of him, he's a great guy, but because of my own emotional walls and barricades. I'm so glad he stuck with me until I was able to let them down. (Thank you, Bob)

Ok, logging off now – I won't be putting the book down until I finish it. Funny thing is – I already know how it ends. But as I said in my note to Bob, I have been captured by the journey.

One of the other Forum Hosts from adoption.com and I are starting to get an adoptee/birthmom support group going here in NE Ohio (near Toledo). I think I'll order a few more copies of the book to hand out at our first meeting. Rarely do I like a book so much that I'm anxious to buy it for others!


February 2, 2006 - Posted by | Adoption Void


  1. Have you heard of a book by Jean Strauss called Beneath a Tall Tree? She discusses the fact that we are all related in some ways and interconnected. Jean is a reunited adoptee and has written several books including a really good one on search. Her story and journey for some peace and resolution in her live is very moving.

    I have talked about this before, but, I do spend a great deal of time now with other birth moms and/or adoptees. And, I know that is because I feel understand and a strong bond with them. Feeling understood is a really valuable and comforting feeling.

    Just saw Bob at the adoption conference that Claud and I both attended. I love how he recognizes the sacred quality of a mother and child bond in his book and on forums. Many people do not recognize or value that bond. Otherwise they wouldn’t encourage a woman to sever that bond, but, would help her find ways to parent her child.

    Comment by Cookie | February 2, 2006 | Reply

  2. just wanted to say hello from another ohioan 😉 north central, myself…

    Comment by afrindiemum | February 2, 2006 | Reply

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