The whole kit & doodle!

A day in our life

Somewhere in the world, there are 5 or 6 adults who are probably sleeping right now, dreaming their dreams, perhaps snoring, maybe lying beside their spouses or lovers. They are my brothers and sisters.

Somewhere in the world, 5 or 6 adults probably enjoyed a Sunday afternoon, perhaps cooked dinner with their families, maybe watched a little television. They are my brothers and sisters.

Somewhere in the world, 5 or 6 adults are celebrating wedding anniversaries, or birthdays, or other milestone events periodically throughout the year. On certain dates, they probably pick up the phone and call each other to say “Happy Birthday.” At Christmas, they probably spend weeks shopping for one another and for nieces and nephews, maybe even for grandkids. They are my brothers and sisters.

Somewhere in the world, 5 or 6 adults might be sitting in front of their TVs watching the same programs I’m watching, or sitting in front of computers surfing the same sites I am. Perhaps I’ve played an online game with them at some point, who knows? Perhaps we’ve viewed websites together. Maybe we’ve even been in some of the same chat rooms or on the same discussion forums. They are my brothers and sisters.

Somewhere in the world, there are little children tucked safely in their beds, maybe cuddling a favorite stuffed animal, blanket or pillow. They may be dreaming of sugar plums or dragons, of learning to fly or of going to Disney. They are the children of my brothers and sisters. Will they ever know they have an aunt who loves them, who hopes they have beautiful lives?

We’ve looked at the same moon, enjoyed the light of the same stars. The same sun shines on us all. We’ve perhaps passed each other on an interstate, driving by without knowing that a few feet away rides someone who has the same blood flowing through their veins. Maybe we have seen the same sunrise, watched the same sunset. Walked the same streets, shopped in the same stores, saw the same sights. It’s possible we’ve sat on the same bench in the park or in the same row in a theatre. And never knew that the other has passed right by.

Do they ever dream about me? Do I show up in their dreams as they do in mine? Am I ever in their thoughts as they are so often in mine? Has one of them sat and written similar words as I’ve written here, glancing at the moon and thinking, “she sees this too.”

Think about your brothers or sisters – do you know what foods they like? When they come to visit, do you know what drinks to have on hand for them? Could you choose a present for them with confidence, knowing it is something they would enjoy? Have you had the pleasure of shopping for a gift for their baby? When something significant happens in your life, do you call your siblings to tell them? Did you come together to grieve at the funeral of a loved one? Did you argue over who got the biggest piece of cake? Do you have years of memories stored away of things you did together as children?

I don’t even know my siblings names. They look like me, our DNA is very similar, and somewhere out there is a woman who knows about all of us, knows we all exist, knows all the secrets. I only hope she reveals her secrets before it is too late for us all.

Somewhere in the world they dream, somewhere in the world I dream – maybe we can meet there.


February 13, 2006 - Posted by | Adoption Void


  1. The reminders of the affects of closed adoption continue to strike. Often without warning. I saw a photo on someone’s blog recently of a mom and ALL her children. And it served to remind me – I have three children – two grew up together. I may never have a photo of all three – they may never meet. I hope that is different for you and that your siblings embrace you and want to know you. That is the most common scenario – just not mine.

    Closed adoptions – the legacies continue. A very poignant reminder – your post was.

    Comment by Cookie | February 13, 2006 | Reply

  2. Yes, my oldest daughter shows up in my dreams, too … and I wrote an entire piece about the moon, about how strange it is that we can both see it … but cannot see each other. I so hope your first mom can work through what needs to be worked through to meet you; be with you. Your siblings, too. A word about open adoption’s legacy: Annette Baran (long time adoption educator/guru) delivered a speech to the AAC entitled “Hoisted By Our Own Petard,” in which she said that most open adoptions wind up as closed adoptions; that she and her colleagues had been naive to think it wouldn’t have turned out that way.

    Comment by speakingformyself | February 13, 2006 | Reply

  3. While I think that a successful open adoption is better for the child, there just don’t seem to me to be that many good ones. So, I do know open adoptions are fraught with problems too.

    And I worry that adoption promoters use open adoptions as carrots to entice women to relinquish. I tell women if they can’t bear the thought of an open adoption closing, they’d better not choose adoption. My limited experience with open adoptions tells me too many close and they are too hard for the birth parents (and sometimes aparents too). They aren’t any panacea – that’s for certain. Did you hear her give that speech? I have met Annette Baran and Reuben Pannor both very briefly.

    Comment by Cookie | February 13, 2006 | Reply

  4. No. I have it around somewhere, quoted it in an article, but it appears she’s pulled it off the internet. I know they’ve attended CUB retreats and am wondering if that’s where you met them … but won’t ask publicly 🙂 p.s. Happy Valentines Day, Heart … and Cookie.

    Comment by speakingformyself | February 14, 2006 | Reply

  5. Happy Valentines Day my friend – it is good to hear your voice.

    Comment by Heartened | February 14, 2006 | Reply

  6. Heart this was beautiful. Truly, just beautiful.
    I hope we can talk soon.

    Comment by Mia | February 14, 2006 | Reply

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