Heartened

The whole kit & doodle!

Dear mom and dad,

Dear mom and dad,

Guess what I received today? I received a letter containing the information you provided to the agency when you placed me. Want to know what I learned?

About mom I learned:

  • You had a case of appendicitis when you were pregnant with me. Was that scary for you? Were you afraid? Did the surgery hurt? Did you recover quickly? Was your doctor good? They must have known what they were doing – after all, I got born, didn’t I?
  • I have 5 (not 6) older brothers and sisters! How many are boys? How many are girls? You were only 29, they must be pretty close to me in age, right? I miss them. I miss you.
  • You and dad were separated. You were getting ready to proceed with a divorce. You were facing severe financial problems. All of that must have been hard. I’m sorry you were having such a difficult time.
  • You are shorter than me! Thinner too, it seems. But I got your big bones, and need glasses, too!
  • You enjoyed reading and singing. I can’t (vocally) carry a tune but I read, constantly. Something else we share!
  • You got good grades in school. So did I!
  • You have 8 sisters and 1 brother. Wow! Big family! No wonder you and dad had so many kids! I’m sorry about your sister, that had to have been hard.
  • Grandma had diabetes – don’t worry, I don’t. And she was an LPN? You’re going to love hearing some coincidences about that when we meet!

About dad I learned:

  • You are 6’3” tall – now I know who I got that from!
  • You took 4 years of “special music training” and enjoyed music, electronics and were an artist. Well, music and electronics, I’ve followed in your footsteps. Somehow I missed out on the artistic stuff.
  • You were an A student. Maybe some day we can compare report cards!
  • You wore glasses, too. I suppose between you and mom, I was “doomed” in that regard. LOL
  • Your only brother died in 1970 at the age of 47. I’m so sorry for your loss. You had a rough year between your brother, the divorce and losing your daughter. I hope you’ve found happiness since then. He was also diabetic, like mom’s mom. How I managed to dodge that bullet is beyond me, but I’m glad I did!
  • You’re the baby of the family – just like me, huh?

But do you know what was the most important thing I learned from this letter? Two sentences. Two sentences which have the power to undo a world of hurt.

“Your mother needed considerable support for her plan in placing you up for adoption.”

“Your mother requested information on your adoptive family and said she was having difficulty with the separation.”

You wanted me. You really wanted me. You’ve no idea how many wounds that helps heal.

I’m here, mom and dad, I’m here. Help me find you. Please, help me find you.

Love,
Your daughter

Advertisements

February 16, 2006 - Posted by | Adoption Void

16 Comments »

  1. (((((((Hugs)))))))

    Great news.

    Comment by N | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  2. “considerable support for her plan in placing you up for adoption.”
    “Your mother requested information on your adoptive family and said she was having difficulty with the separation.”

    I am glad that you know to translate that to “she didn’t want to do it, was most likely not supported but pressured and she loved and wanted you”.

    “Difficulty with the separation?” – I imagine that was an understatement. Of course it is difficult.

    I have to tell you – the fact that they put those comments in there is a real gift. Nothing in my son’s non id. indicated any love for her or difficulty “separating” from him – and believe me it was excruciating for me.

    Comment by Cookie | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  3. Opps, that is him, not her!

    Comment by Cookie | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  4. This brought tears. I’m happy for you. What’s the next step?

    Comment by speakingformyself | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  5. hi. i am a friend of kims. i am also a first mom in reunion. i saw your posts, read your blog. noted you were born in Illinois. I faciliate Illinois searches and might have a contact or two that can help you. feel free to write me at info at ehbabes dot com. (you can validate me through kim if you wish)

    Comment by In Reunion | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  6. I’m absolutely thrilled for you. It is amazing that a few words can drastically change your perspective of the truth. I’m an adoptee also, and have nothing written about my adoption, other than brief descriptions of family and their hobbies and physical features in my papers. (Im from Australia, so Im guessing the whole process is very different anyway).
    I will check your pages regularly to see how you are doing with your search. I’m currently going through the same thing, and it is great to share with those in the know.. I wish you every happiness on your journey. x x

    Comment by adoptedangel | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  7. What wonderful news–I’m so glad you’ve found some information that really speaks to you. Wonderful.

    Comment by susan | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  8. Thanks everyone – I’m on cloud 9 over here. What I’ve done is compiled info from the SSDI for Illinois males who died in 1970 and were born in 1922 and 1923. I’m going through and eliminating everyone who had not yet turned 47 when they died or had already turned 48.

    Then I’ll start running those last names through the Cook County divorce records online. That should help me weed this down to just a few possibilities, paternally – and give me maternal names.

    I’m making damn good progress, too. LOL

    InReunion, look for an email from me! I’ve seen you all over Kim’s blog, no worries! Thanks for the offer!

    Cookie, you nailed it – HUGE gift. And one I really needed. Funny, it’s a copy of the exact same letter I got back in 1993 (literally a copy, date & everything) but I never remembered reading those few lines before. I guess I didn’t need to hear them back then.

    Needless to say, I’m feeling really happy tonight. I needed this. A lot.

    Thank you all for “being here” to share this with me. It means so much to me!

    Comment by Heartened | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  9. InReunion – your mailbox is full!

    Comment by Heartened | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  10. I’m so excited for you!!! Congratulations!

    Comment by everyscarisabridge | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  11. Forgot to say it – but, I am very happy for you! Sounds like you are making excellent progress too! That’s so exciting.

    Hugs,

    Cookie

    Comment by Cookie | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  12. I am so happy for you! Keep us updated on the progress.

    Comment by sue | February 16, 2006 | Reply

  13. Oh, sweety… this just melts my heart. I know only too well what it’s like to find out that you were indeed loved… you were indeed wanted.

    I hope more than just about ANYTHING that you find them…

    Comment by Manuela | February 17, 2006 | Reply

  14. What a beautiful post. And a lot of information, you have all these brothers and sisters too?
    About the not being able to carry a tune, that is learnable. I am a vocal coach.
    Oh what a beautiful post…..oh oh oh…..

    Comment by kim.kim | February 17, 2006 | Reply

  15. That is both happy and sad. ((hugs))

    Comment by HeatherRainbow | February 18, 2006 | Reply

  16. OHHHH!! I hope you find, I hope you find!!!

    Yeah!!!

    Comment by FauxClaud | February 23, 2006 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: