Heartened

The whole kit & doodle!

Dear mom and dad

Hi, it’s me, your daughter – writing again! I’ve decided that I’m going to blog letters to you as things come to mind. I want you to be able to see where I’ve been when we finally meet again.

I’m learning more about you everyday. I hope you will laugh with me over some of the coincidences and ironies that I’m finding as I search for you. I’m hoping that at least one of my brothers or sisters has the same appreciation of Science Fiction books, and of Robert Heinlein, because that brother or sister and I are going to have a really good laugh together when all is said and done.

I’m in something of an obsessive phase right now. You wouldn’t believe the hundreds of search strings I’ve run in the last day or two. Hundreds? Hah! More like thousands. I’m going to try and let it rest tomorrow. I need a break from my computer screen. With that said, I’ll probably be right back here in my chair first thing tomorrow morning running through the same data all over again. I mentioned I’m in an obsessive phase, didn’t I?

You are becoming more and more real to me with each passing day. Are you surprised that you haven’t been “real” until now? Probably, since I’m sure your life feels very real to you. I hope your life will feel real to me too someday. Will you let me be a part of your life again? I hope so. You have no idea how much I hope so.

I have to admit, it really bothers me that it doesn’t seem like you’re looking for me. I’ve checked every registry out there – nothing. On the other hand, a friend of mine, also a first mother, told me that she (and many like her, apparently) feel it is up to the child to come looking because the moms don’t want to intrude where they are not wanted.

You’re wanted, mom. So are you, dad. So are my brothers and sisters. You are not an intrusion, you are a welcome part of my life. A necessary part. A part I have been missing for a long time.

I’m dreaming about you. Weird dreams. I had a dream last night that we were having our first meeting. The surroundings were strange. We were meeting several months “late.” You told me you had to cancel our first meeting because you were having your appendix removed. That confused me because you apparently had it removed when you were pregnant with me. (In real life, not in the dream, but I was aware of it in the dream.) Suddenly we both started questioning if we were a match or not. I asked if you had the same mole I have, you said no. I said that was ok because I could see my own face in yours. Yup, strange dream.

We’re going to meet, you know. And it’s going to be sooner rather than later. I wonder if you can feel how close I am getting. Do you know I’ve begun looking for you? Can you feel it somehow?

I keep thinking about all these aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces and nephews I have out there. Hubby and I did the math – there could be hundreds of extended family members by now. Wow. I want to be a part of that.

It’s time for me to go to bed. I’ll see you in my dreams – don’t be late.

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February 26, 2006 - Posted by | Adoption Void

3 Comments »

  1. Oh… I SO hope your heart’s desires come to pass, my friend. This was a truly touching letter…

    Comment by Manuela | February 27, 2006 | Reply

  2. I also hope so very much that you find as loving and insightful a person/people on the other end of your journey as you are. I think of you often since I stopped blogging; rooting for you!

    Comment by speakingformyself | February 28, 2006 | Reply

  3. What will you feel, if you find that your parents and bio family are criminals or bad people? I have adopted a boy and I like to help him to find his bio family in future, but always, I’m afraid and worried abt what will happen, if he faces with a bad family or problomatic one.

    Comment by viona | April 16, 2013 | Reply


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